What I Have Learned

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This week's Ropecast features Tess and I talking about the NYC Sex Bloggers Calendar and Sex Work Awareness.

I was pleasantly surprised when I heard myself and Tess talking with Gray on his podcast this week. It finally dawned on me all that I have learned over this past year since that first email exchange between Audacia and I last fall.

At the time of that email the words "sex worker" were new to me along with the online world of sex blogs. Dacia showed amazing patience that helped me to not only understand but also to educate me.

And then a funny thing happened along the way of that.....

I became an ally for sex workers and sex worker rights. Without realizing it along the way I picked up talking points, met many in other sex worker organizations and most of all I listened and learned.

I might not have said it all completely best in this podcast with Tess and there is the small argument of her using the raffle prizes before the party but I am better able to speak now on this subject than I was a year ago.

I owe that to Dacia and all the other members of Sex Work Awareness who helped me to understand and learn the issues facing sex workers. The NYC Sex Bloggers Calendar profits go to fund Speak Up! which trains sex workers to make their own media, have their own talking points and work to change the way sex workers are portrayed in the mainstream media.

Tess and I are only two people but we are two more people who understand and (hopefully) spoke correctly regarding the issues flacing sex workers. When I watch any program on television today I see the slant with how sex workers are portrayed. The statements of rescuing them and I think how do we reach a wider audience to educate them that not all sex workers are victims nor are they trafficked. It feels like such an overwhelming task but as I said last December it starts with each individual person that you can educate with the truth and help to better understand.

I've had some amazing support and success with the calendar this year. There are so many to thank for that but I think what is going to be the best way to thank all our sponsors, supporters and friends will be with each small stride we make in removing the stigma from sex work.

It all started out as a simple podcast recording........

and ended up like this....

Rope by Graydancer

and this....

Rope by Graydancer

and this.....

Yes that's him. Twisted Monk

(Monk's scarf you see hanging over my face that he used as a blindfold)

Last but not least this......

I have a lot I want to write about this night and my experience being tied up by not one but two rope masters. Unfortunately I have this party......in a few weeks.....that I am working on these days. You might have seen me mention it on twitter. In the meantime you can read Tess's version of our night. (and see her tits)

I do want to thank Graydancer for inviting me up to the GRUE meet and greet so that Tess and I could record a podcast with him and talk about the 2010 NYC Sex Blogger Calendar.

Thanks Gray for as always your overwhelming continued support within this CommUNITY.

I also want to thank both Gray and Monk for giving me an amazing night of memories. The only problem is that now I am totally spoiled and don't know how I will ever find anyone to match that rope experience.

But we shall see...........

HNT - Ms. October

Did you turn your calendars today?

Above is my photo in the 2009 NYC Sex Bloggers Calendar that was used on the month of October. Last year when I first saw all the proofs from our calendar photo shoot I was unhappy with mine. I was the only one who did not show their face in that calendar and felt that somehow my photo was missing something. It was a great surprise to me when people would tell me how much they liked this photo beginning with our photographer Stacey Joy.

The photo I had done this year that was chosen I was also not that happy with when I first saw the proof and once the calendar is released I'll write about my reasons for that. However, now that I have seen the finished proof of it in the calendar I absolutely love that photo.

It was also during the weekend of the photo shoot last year that I made a guest appearance on Tess's blog or I should say my cleavage did. That was the first of what was to become a somewhat regular thing for me now.

If you don't know it already we are hosting a calendar release party in NYC on November 6th where we will finally make the calendar public. Everyone is invited but if you can't make it you can still purchase the calendar online here and it will be shipped to you on November 9th.

Making this calendar and having a party is a lot of fun but the important part of all of this is the reason for this calendar and that is to support Sex Work Awareness. Because of all the support we've gotten from the community 100% of your $20 purchase price will go to SWA to help fund the projects they have planned for the future including Speak Up!

Blank

I sit here once again staring at a blank screen wanting so bad to write. I want that feeling once again of excitement and laughter as I write something here. But it isn't to be.

I have spent the better part of this year having trouble writing here. I have so many things I want to say and share and when I sit down to do it I go blank. I've tried everything and anything to overcome it and some days I am able to. That feeling of accomplishment is wonderful. Yet many days I sit with my blank screen, staring at that blinking cursor, popping into chats and onto twitter. Anything I can do to avoid that blank screen and the sense of failure that I will once again not be able to put into words what I want to say.

Lately it has gotten to the point where I am having trouble writing over on the NYC Sex Blogger Calendar blog. I've had posts started and never finished over there and this week I've tried for three days straight to write about the calendar party raffle with no luck.

How the fuck hard can it be to write that post. To talk about sponsors, prizes and parties. But I stare at a blank screen in frustration over there just like on here.

Maybe tomorrow I'll post some new cleavage pictures for HNT and see if that will help motivate me.

Putting Speak Up! To Work

I first met Megan Andelloux this past April when she attended the first ever Speak Up! Media Training here in New York City presented by Sex Work Awareness.  It was the 2009 NYC Sex Bloggers Calendar proceeds that paid for this.    


Later that day the Speak Up! participants along with the presenters and several others all got together to celebrate that amazing day and the success of it!  Meeting each participant, asking them how the day had been for them and seeing the amazing buzz of everyone there I knew that all we had done to help make that possible was worth it.  The next morning as Tess and I sat having coffee we talked about how wonderful that was to see and decided we would do a 2010 NYC Sex Bloggers Calendar to make it possible for more even people to attend Speak Up!   


I followed along earlier this year when Megan spoke out against changing the indoor prostitution laws in Rhode Island.  Over these past months Megan has worked hard to open The Center for Pleasure and Health and this Saturday I will be there with her along with many others to help celebrate.  


However, the celebration will not be held in the location of the center because late last week Megan ran into some trouble with the town council and zoning.  Below I have cross-posted the details about it.  What amazed me was the narrow minded opinions and statements about sex from some of these people.  


As I follow along this week and see the media about this I know that Megan was trained by some of the best for this with Audacia Ray being one of them.  My hope is that as she fights this battle to open her center Megan will be use those skills she learned back on that day in April to help overcome the stigma and be able to open her center. 


cross-posted from Sex In The Public Square

By Rebecca Chalker, author of The Clitoral Truth and articles on sexuality and women’s health.

The Center for Sexual Pleasure and Health, new non-profit educational organization focusing pleasure and sexual advocacy issues, was scheduled to hold its Grand Opening in Pawtucket, Rhode Island on Saturday, September 26.

The Center’s Director is Megan Andelloux, a graduate of the University of Rhode Island (1997) and a Certified Sexuality Educator of the American Association of Sexuality Education, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT) and a Board Certified Sexologist by the American College of Sexologists.

Last week Andelloux, learned that the Pawtucket City Council had received an anonymous email “warning” about the Center’s opening and premier event.  “I was then informed that without proper zoning and event licenses, I would be arrested if I held the event in Pawtucket,” she says.  “Although I had landlord approval and the building is zoned for retail, business, entertainment, and office use, I was told that I had to get a special zoning application for ‘education’ and approval,” which typically takes up to two months.  She had to scramble to find alternative space in which to hold the Grand Opening event and retained a lawyer.

The  Grand Opening will be a three-hour extravaganza of sex-positive, health-promoting information featuring nationally recognized experts including Bill Taverner, former Director of Education for Planned Parenthood of Greater Northern New Jersey, Gina Ogden Ph.D., psychologist and author of The Return of Desire, Barbara Carrellas, author of Urban Tantra, Elizabeth Wood, founder of Sex in the Public Square, an online community forum devoted to sexuality issues, myself, and Carol Queen, Director of the Center for Sex and Culture, a similar educational forum in San Francisco sex-positive sexuality education and support to diverse populations.  It may be no coincidence that Queen and her partner Robert Lawrence, had a similar call about their Center recently.

Andelloux notes that the program also includes “thousands of dollars worth of prizes to give away, and lots of local sexual health, education, and advocacy groups present to inform, delight, and enlighten.” The full program can be viewed at http://www.TheCSPH.org.

Andelloux believes that the caller told City Council members that the event was going feature a burlesque number and that the Council freaked out thinking it was going to be some sort of bacchanalian orgy.  “Rest assured that the City of Pawtucket has now gone so far as to officially assure me that their concerns had absolutely nothing to do with sex,” she says.  “Of course when your local City Councilman calls and screams the word ‘dildo’ over and over at you, you start to wonder.” After a week of meetings with City Council members, city clerks, and Zoning Board officials, she is convinced that someone “up high” is opposed to the existence of her center.

According to the PawtucketTimes,  Mayor James E Doyle has “serious concerns about the Center for Sexual Pleasure and Health locating on Main Street.”  Director of Administration  Harvey E. Goulet told the Times that “We are not interested in this type of business. It's not really something we feel is appropriate for our city.” Goulet further noted that it would be their intention not to allow the business to open, but added, “we have to follow through with the laws.”

“We don't have a certificate of zoning because in the official opinion of the Zoning Board the Center is an educational business, but the building where we lease space is not zoned for ‘educational’ purposes.  Get that? The city of Pawtucket won't let us start our business because they are taking a strong stance against education!  It’s not going to help the city’s case that they allowed a chess club and an arts studio (both of which state that they teach classes) to rent space in the same building,” Andelloux opines.

On advice from her lawyer, Andelloux declined to identify the suspected identity of the anonymous caller.  In any event, this bald act of censorship has succeeded in forcing the Center for Sexual Pleasure and Health to find a new location for its Grand Opening at The Spot at 286 Thayer St., Providence, from 3 to 6 p.m., but has had the typical unintended consequence of censorship—free publicity—especially when the censored refuse to take it lying down.  Mazel tov!

Find out more info on upcoming workshops & sexuality questions @ www.OhMegan.com.  Those wishing to promote the CSPH’s campaign to get a Zoning Variance for its chosen location can contact the Pawtucket City Council at http://www.pawtucketri.com/contact/, 137 Roosevelt Avenue, Pawtucket, RI 02860, Phone: (401) 728-0500.  Andelloux is also accepting donations for her legal fund.

        

The Saga of Nipples

Last week I was once again reminded of how much areas of society in this country have issues with sex and nudity. I think spending so much of my time surrounded by people and companies that are open and accepting of sex has made me forget at times how so many others still perceive it.

What happened to remind me of this last week was that the printer for the 2010 NYC Sex Bloggers Calendar refused to print the calendar for us because of what they felt was “inappropriate content” in the calendar.

I didn’t think much about the content of what I was asking to be printed because the images in the calendar were all artistic photos. This was not what I would consider inappropriate and it also never entered my mind that a business would turn down a paying job because of a photo when there was nothing on any of their sites related to any content restrictions.

Their entire reason for declining us was because two photos in the calendar showed nipple. Not just any nipple but female nipple. I really can’t comprehend why in our society the female nipple is taboo for so many. I also don’t know how one determines what is considered art and what is inappropriate content.

This was not the first time I have come across this. Several months ago Facebook banned photos of women breastfeeding because it was decided they were inappropriate. Why is it unacceptable for women to show their breasts and nipples but not a man? What is the difference?

Why is it as women we are forced to cover ourselves up so much? As if we are made to feel ashamed of our bodies. It isn’t just the showing of nipples but also showing cleavage, going without a bra, and anything that doesn’t have a puritan theme to it.

My body is my own and I am proud of it. I’ve lived for too many years under those restrictions of what I wore and how much I showed. I love now that I am my own person who can choose what I wear and how much of my body I show. I am finally able to celebrate and embrace the freedom of my sexuality and running up against people and companies that put restrictions on those bugs the hell out of me.

What bothers me even more is that it is pushed more on women then men. I can walk into any store and buy a calendar of all men shirtless and oiled up but if I want to see a woman’s breast it is inappropriate content or even considered porn to some. There always seems to be such a double standard placed on women when it comes to things like this. If you wear low cut tops or short skirts many people will look down on you and make assumptions.

Recently I have read several articles about how many more women are viewing porn and that we are the new market. In reality I don't think it is that we are a new market but that we are finally being given a voice in that market. For many years it was produced and marketed to only men and we as women were not supposed to enjoy things like that. Now because of people such as Candida Royalle, Courtney Trouble and Shine Louise women have more of a voice in what they want to see and enjoy. It wasn’t so much that we were not interested in it as that we were made to feel we should not have an interest in it.

I was advised that I should look to print the calendar in Europe where breasts and nipples are not considered inappropriate. It made me think that for a country such as ours that prides itself on being open, accepting and free we seem to have way too many restrictions placed on our sexuality including whom we can marry.

One of the things I learned about myself with these photo shoots I have done for the calendar is how much I enjoy expressing my sexuality with my body and what I wear. It is a shame that so many others still have such hang ups with the female body.

I did find someone else to print the calendar for us at a slightly higher cost. I guess that shows me that there are companies who put a business transaction before the owner’s personal moral beliefs.

That is progress. Right?

A Good Little Submissive Wish List

Because I am such a good little submissive........

and knowing that Bad Bad Girl beat my ass with a paddle in November at the NYC Sex Blogger Calendar release party if I didn't, I created a wish list over at eXtremeRestraints.com. Who also happen to be one of our wonderful sponsors this year on the 2010 NYC Sex Bloggers Calendar.

If you notice there is somewhat of a theme to my wish list.

Cause I am submissive after all.

Now everyone go create your own wish list so we can get up to 100 and make eXtremeRestraint.com give away that fucking machine.