Life Is What You Make Of It

I read this post recently and it really reminded me of something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately. Go read it and then come back. I’ll wait.

What my friend Graydancer points out so eloquently in his post is that life and our individual lives specifically is what we make of them. A few months ago I spent a very long afternoon at a bridal shower sitting with a few other women in my age range. As I listened to them talk about their lives or more correctly complain about them I came to realize how different I was from them.

One woman who had been divorced in the past few years was complaining to her friends that she didn’t know what she was going to do with herself now that her child was graduating from school. She explained that her all her friends and social events were wrapped around this child and at that point a light bulb went off in my head.

When I reached a point of extreme unhappiness in my life a couple of years ago I made changes. Not all of them were for the best and unfortunately I can't change that but more importantly is that I had reached a point in my life that I knew I needed to change it or I would go insane. (Which looking back now I actually did at one point)

As I sat listening to these women talk about their lives and all that they didn’t have in them I thought of my own. I thought of my life this past year that has had some great highs and also some great lows. I thought about some of the hardest choices I've had to make and the ones that I would be facing in the coming months.

But I also thought of all the joy and happiness in my life. Of the latest sleepover and brunch at Dacia’s home for wayward girls or an upcoming adventure with Tess and I thought about the amazing group of people I have in my life.

What Graydancer pointed out so clearly in his post is that it wasn’t luck that got me to where I am at this point in my life.

It was me.

It was me taking chances and getting out of my comfort zone. It was changing the person I was that didn’t bring me happiness. It was finding a community that I was happy in and making friends within it. It was taking the risk of rejection and in many ways letting myself be vulnerable.

And it was fucking hard work.

I do consider myself lucky at times that I have the life I do right now. The children I have and the friends and family I have. I say lucky because I know how easily that can change in a heartbeat and how blessed I am to have all that.

But if I sat home feeling sorry for myself or if I refused to climb out of bed on those days I thought it was just to damn difficult to do I would have none of it.

That old saying is very true. “Life is what you make of it.”

My life is still a work in progress and hopefully ones of these days I will get it right. But until then if there is something I want in life I know it is up to me to take the risk and work hard for it because overall in the end the results are pretty awesome.

Feminist Carnival of Sexual Freedom and Autonomy #20

The lastest Feminst Carnival of Sexual Freedom and Autonomy is up on Caroline's blog now and I have my very first post included in it.

Here we go, the twentieth edition of the Feminist Carnival of Sexual Freedom and Autonomy - a collection of reviews, interviews and blog posts, some submitted, some I found, in no particular order.. Read more

In case you missed it I will also be hosting the carnival on my site in November and will be bugging all of you to send me your submissions. There are still months open for hosting and if you're intested drop Caroline a note.

Those who wish to host future editions are very welcome indeed. Please email uncool [DOT] blog [AT] gmail [DOT] com for more information.

Diva's Latest Find - QueerPink.com

Pink and White Productions, that wonderful company that brought us The Crash Pad Series has just given us another reason to love them. Earlier this week they launched a new site titled QueerPink.com. Wondering what this is? From their first post:

Our focus is on queer people in the adult industry and their experience of creating adult entertainment. We want to talk about what it means to create queer porn, to be queer and work in mainstream porn and to pursue the balance between art, self and politics.

Last week I was lucky to be able to meet both Syd Blakovich and Jiz Lee when they were both here in NYC working on a new film. Since first coming in contact with Pink and White last fall while working on the NYC Sex Blogger Calendar I have been impressed with not only the content they produce but the people behind the scenes who make Pink and White what it is. So it was no surprise to me when I met both Syd and Jiz I found them both so charming and fun. I’m hoping they’ll return in November to represent Pink and White who is one of our sponsors at the NYC Sex Blogger Calendar release party.

Until then I plan on checking out QueerPink.com a lot to see what they are all up to. I really enjoyed watching Syd in the eel tank. You can also follow them on twitter at queerPINK.

The Return of HNT aka Diva's Cleavage

Now that I have some extra time on my hands.........

This is a preview of the flesh I'll be exposing tonight at In The Flesh. Be sure to say hello if you are there.

Tell Me

“Tell me”

“Tell you what?” I asked him

“What was your favorite moment?”

I took a moment to remember yesterday when I had visited his home for the first time. I knew I was nervous and could hear myself giggle as a result of it. Putting his key into the lock while holding my hand I rested my head against his strong arm taking a deep breath as I tried to relax.

I knew what would happen on the other side of that door. It was something I had been wanting since I met him.

I had been craving him since I met him. His touch. His strength. His warmth. I felt safe and trusted him enough to take that step.

The way he could so easily arouse me unlike anyone else I had known. With just a few simple words to me I would feel the liquid heat rush into my cunt. Whenever he lightly stroked his finger down my cleavage I could feel my body begin to shudder in anticipation of wanting more.

Then he would kiss me. That first time took me by surprise. Having only just met I had no idea he was interested in me but I would come to learn that he had a remarkable skill when it came to kissing. It would be something I would remember the most when I was alone.

I thought back to all we did that day together. The day that I put my trust into him and let myself experience the pleasure I had been craving since we met. I would walk out of there with him that day wanting to repeat that over and over and have him take me to new levels I had never been.

He asked me again. “Tell me”

I thought back reliving all that we had done together. Feeling my body once again instantly come alive. How do I choose one thing I thought. How can I decide that and then one thing stood out to me. The one thing that made me think to myself at that moment that day “This is going to be unlike anything I’ve experienced so far in my life.” Yet it was something so simple he did.

I remembered so clearly how I had pushed my nerves aside and allowed myself to feel relaxing and letting him take me to new heights. Taking that submissive role I had always wanted. Still fully clothed he pushed me face down on his luxurious king sized bed and held my arms above my head with one hand. He knew what that would do to me. How much I craved to be dominated and held down in bed.

Pushing my sweater up my back he began to kiss his way downward ordering me not to move. No matter how hard I tried I was unable to obey him as I couldn’t keep my body from its natural urge to move and squirm. The heat building in me while he continued his torture. I moaned and begged but he didn’t stop. He reached the waistband of my jeans and instead of turning me over to remove them as I expected he roughly yanked them down my ass and continued his way lower.

Just when I felt I could not hold still any longer he did what I so desperately wanted turning me over and removing my jeans and panties leaving me bare from the waist down to him. I stared up at him as he began to unbutton my sweater waiting for the moment I would be completely bare to him. But he stopped midway down reaching inside my sweater yanking my bra down to expose my tits, finally touching what he had seen in all those photos.

Working his way down my body once again it was that first touch of his tongue on my clit that made me unable to keep from moaning again. As I laid there spread out in that luxurious bed of his I was in ecstasy feeling all that he was doing to me. I could not hold my body still as he ordered me and I reached down gripping his hands to anchor myself.

Looking down at him between my legs I saw myself in disarray. My sweater hanging open and my tits hanging out of my bra. At that moment I felt like the slut I desired to be. I was your slut. I would be your slut for hours to come.

That was my favorite moment and I finally told him.

Diva and Tess Do Snacks

In the quest to support our ever growing martini habit, Tess and I came with up with the brilliant idea of responding to Rachel's request for the In The Flesh intern job. It really is a no-brainer when you think of it as Tess and I are there almost every month.

Equipped with instructions and a budget from Rachel one of my children and I took an excursion to Trader Joe's today to stock up on the assortment of snacks that will be served at this months In The Flesh Thursday. I also was ordered, I mean asked by Tess to make sure I got those peanut butter cups she likes to stuff herself with.

If you are in NYC this Thursday you really should stop by and enjoy not only all these snacks and one or two or three or four or seven (yes I have eaten that many) of the100 cupcakes served from Baked by Melissa but also the amazing line up of readers she has this month.

The only worry is making sure Tess and I walk, stumble or whatever there by 7:00pm after we first stop at our newest favorite place with the half price martinis and excellent food.

Below is all the information for this months reading cross-posted from Rachel,

You will be kicking yourself if you miss True Sex Confessions this Thursday

I think the outstanding lineup speaks for itself. Plus you can participate! And all the free cupcakes, free board games, and free stuff. BE THERE.

IN THE FLESH EROTIC READING SERIES
TRUE SEX CONFESSIONS NIGHT
July 16th at 8 PM (doors at 7; we recommend arriving by 7:30 for a seat)
AT HAPPY ENDING LOUNGE, 302 BROOME STREET, NYC
(B/D to Grand, J/M/Z to Bowery, F to Delancey or F/V to 2nd Avenue, http://www.happyendinglounge.com)
Between Forsyth & Eldridge. Look for the hot pink awning that says "XIE HE Health Club."
Admission: Free
Happy Ending Lounge: 212-334-9676
http://inthefleshreadingseries.blogspot.com

In The Flesh is bringing back our most popular segment, True Sex Confessions Night! Featuring monologist Mike Daisey (21 Dog Years, If You See Something Say Something), memoirists Nancy Balbirer(Take Your Shirt Off and Cry: A Memoir of Near-Fame Experiences) andMike Edison (I Have Fun Everywhere I Go), Melissa Gira Grant(Sexerati.com), Megan Carpentier (Jezebel.com), Blaise K (How I Learned Reading Series), Wickham Boyle (Pleasures, The Erotic Edge) and Maria Diaz (contributor, The Lust Chronicles). Hosted and curated by Rachel Kramer Bussel (Best Sex Writing 2009, The Mile High Club, Spanked). Free candy, cookies, chips and 100 mini cupcakes by Baked by Melissa will be served. Audience members will have the opportunity to anonymously share their true sex confessions throughout the night (via index cards that will be read aloud between readers). Free copies of the word game SexySlangwill be given away.

Feminist Carnival of Sexual Freedom and Autonomy

Below is a cross-post written by Caroline.

I think it's about time to bring back the Feminist Carnival of Sexual Freedom and Autonomy. As is so often the way, it started very well and dwindled, so I'm gonna try and inject a bit of life into it and bring it back. I'll host the next edition, which is #20, right here at Loserdust on 13th July. Right now, I'm interested in what constitutes as 'sex negative'. But, as always, I won't confine the carnival to a particular theme.

So if you have posts you've done which you want to include, posts you'd like to nominate, or if you would like to host the next one email me at uncool[dot]blog[at]gmail[dot]com. If you want more information,click here. If you could get your submissions in for Monday 12pm GMT that would be grand.

Hope to hear from you...

I remember the first time I came across the Feminist Carnival of Sexual Freedom and Autonomy online. I was totally intimidated by it and the writers who were included in it because I never thought that myself or my writing would be worthy of being included in something like that. But of course over time I have come to understand that this is not the case. (Having self esteem is a wonderful thing)

This is a monthly posting done by bloggers who volunteer to host it on their site and it is open to anyone who has something to say. Today I not only submitted a recent post of mine but I also volunteered to host one of the upcoming months. Look for my blog to host the Carnival in November and the theme I have chosen for it will be "What does Sexual Freedom mean to you?"

I encourage anyone who has ever considered submitting something they have written or wanted to host a month to email Caroline and do it. If you asked me a year ago if I would be writing this post, submitting to the carnival or actually hosting one I would have thought you were crazy. But here I am.

Go ahead and submit. It doesn't hurt. Honest.