The other day when checking my email I found a note from
AAG with a question about sex from one of her readers asking for my thoughts on what this person was saying. Today
she posted the first part of not only her response but responses from others including myself.
When I first read the letter from Xavier I was amazed. It was one of those classic responses to women in porn and sex work. He gave those old tired classic lines of
"whether they’re trying to pay for drugs or college or simply to feel loved after a lifetime of abuse" because there can't possibly any other reason a women would go into porn. My first comment to AAG was this is a perfect example of why an organization such of
Sex Work Awareness is so badly needed. He clearly is showing a narrow minded ignorant view of why anyone chooses to go into porn.
I know several sex workers and former sex workers including women who have been in porn and to the best of my knowledge none of them have drug problems or were abused. Are there women in both porn and other areas of sex work with issues? I'm sure there are but I can also say that over the past year or so I have met more than my share of fucked up people who are not sex workers. We just don't talk about them because they have "respectable" careers.
Something new for me in this past year has been the concept of feminism. For many years that was not a word spoken in our household and if by chance it dared to be uttered it was always in a negative sense. In the past year I have read much and learned a lot about feminism. I had written a few months back that I didn't really feel worthy of using that term for myself because of how I had lived my life all these years but I have since changed that opinion of myself. I do consider myself a feminist.
What has confused me throughout this past year is how some feminists view other women and their choices. One of the major arguments I see time and time again is with sex work and feminism. I don't understand how someone can tell another person what they are doing with their own body or the choices they have made for themselves is wrong.
I don't understand how being a sex worker has any impact on being a feminist. For me the idea of feminism means that I as a woman am free to make the choices I want to make for myself and that includes my body. It angers me when I see others and especially women trying to push their thoughts, ideas, values, hang ups or whatever on others.
When I sat in on
Audacia's Revisiting Naked on the Internet session at
Sex 2.0 one of the topics that came up was about blogging and feminists. I thought
Melissa Gira Grant made a very good point when she said that instead of trying to fight people's views about what feminism should be in blogs online she instead chooses to go out and make her own space to talk about feminism. I remember sitting in that room thinking "What a great idea!" and have applied that to many aspects of my life.
There are some people you are never going to be able to make understand or see anything other than what they want to see. But there are also people such as myself that with a little bit of knowledge, understanding and education they "get it."
I told AAG as a mother I wouldn't choose porn or sex work for my children. I would choose those typical dreams of college educations and high paying jobs. However as a mother I will always accept and support my children's choices in what they do with their lives. It is their life to live not mine.
AAG expressed even better than I when she wrote
"I want my children to behave ethically and to feel fulfilled in whatever careers they pursue, and I think this is absolutely possible if they choose jobs in pornography." It may seem wrong coming from me that I wouldn't choose sex work for my children after how outspoken I have been but one of the major reasons I have for that is my concerns of the dangers as sex workers they would face. I stood there with a candle burning in my hand on that cold dark night last
December 17th listening with tears as all the names were read of sex workers who had died in that past year. I see news reports all the time of sex workers murdered or attacked and then the news of their death is sensationalized because they were a sex worker. Do I want that for my child? No I don't. I also don't want them in the military either fighting on the other side of the world with the chance they may not return home alive.
I also said I wouldn't choose porn as a line of work for my child either. I would support them in their choices but I also have enough knowledge to know that there are movies being shot without condoms and for me that is too much of a risk. One of the things I have always done is to educate my children on sex and part of that education included the importance of safe sex along with the use of condoms because for me that is not an option. I know not all porn is produced that way but the fact that any of it being done like that is too much of a risk in my opinion.
Then we have the stigma of sex work. Did you read my post yesterday and the email Dacia received recently? That was a perfect example of how people view sex work and most especially women in sex work.
Which speaking of women in sex work, if you notice in that letter, Xavier only talks about women in porn being objectified. He doesn't seem to understand that many women such as myself watch porn and objectify the men just as much as the women are. I have even at times referred to them as "boytoys." He also didn't seem to have the concept that many men watch other men in porn too.
Tomorrow AAG will post a second part of this.
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