TES Fest 2009 and Sex Blogging

I was invited recently to take part in a Sex Blogger Q&A at TES Fest next week. Of course Tess got a big kick out of that one because when was the last time I wrote about actually having sex here on my blog.

But for me these days sex blogging isn't about writing about the hot sex. I entered the world of sex blogs almost two years ago as someone who was totally unaware of so much in this world of sex and since that time I have received quite the education.

What I personally think is important about sex blogs and sex bloggers is the information that it provides to people. I know better than anyone that you can't believe everything you read in a blog but I also know that sex blogs help to spread the word and educate people about sex, relationships and events such as TES Fest 2009.

I wanted to attend TES Fest 2009 as a "newbie." Someone who normally would not have considered going and then write about my experiences. I wanted to sit in on classes that not only interested me but also ones that I would not have normally considered and then write about them for here and on Best Sex Bloggers because I think there are many like myself who are interested or curious about events such as this yet on the fence about actually attending.

I'm sad to say that my attending TES Fest this year for the Sex Blogger Q&A panel is not going to happen. Looking at the schedule it just didn't work for me the day that the panel was scheduled.

I've had contact with some of the people organizing TES Fest this year and also have seen the schedule of classes. It looks to be a really great event with everything they have planned for next weekend. Online registration closes at 11:59pm EST tomorrow and then the price of passes will increase.

If you're on the fence about attending or just curious (like I was) I recommend trying a one day pass for Friday to check it out. That gives you the option of attending the rest of the weekend if you find yourself enjoying the day and evening there.

If you do attend drop me a line and let me know how your experience was. Here are more of the details:

Open the Curtain and Sneak a Peak at the TES Fest 2009 Special Events

TES Fest 2009 is more than just exceptional classes and a world class play space; from July 2 to July 5. We have over 40 special events to help us celebrate our favorite kinks together! Here is a sampling of what we have in store for you:

The party starts right as the doors open! For everyone who comes on Thursday, Jeff R. and Mistress Trish are jumpstarting your weekend with the Opening Night Mixer down by the pool.

After a full day of classes on Friday, start your night off with a Meet & Greet. There are a number of special interest group Meet & Greets, including the Novice Group, TNG and the Animal Planet. After these, we shall all come together for the General Meet & Greet in the Main Dungeon. Help support the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom by placing a bid at the Celebrity Auction for the chance to play with some of the hottest people in the scene. Spend the night floating at the Late Night Latex Pool Party, where Xris Smack will be dropping the club jams into the wee hours.

TES is nothing if not patriotic, and there is nothing more American than cooking food on open flames for the Fourth of July. Let us celebrate our freedom at the July 4th BDSM BBQ. After filling up, try your luck at the TES Fest Kinky Casino Royale, complete with off-track betting at the Seahorse Race Track.

Just because it’s the last day of TES Fest doesn’t mean that Sunday isn’t packed with even more special events. Whether you want to attend the Kinky Ladies’ Afternoon Tea Party or you want to throw down at the TES Fest Fight Club Night, just remember, the first rule of Fight Club is don’t talk about the Kinky Ladies’ Afternoon Tea Party…err… uh… Fight Club.

Everyone deserves to be pampered, whether you’ve slaved away your day in five-inch stilettos or spent the night punching and whipping some willing bottom. Come to Cloud 9, where throughout the weekend, the angels will give you luxurious massages and the tender love and care you want.

Full Event, 2-Day and Single Day Passes are on sale today, and hotel rooms are still available. Don’t be left out because you waited till the last minute. We sold out last year and expect to do so this year. Register now at www.tesfest.org

Something I've Learned

Yesterday I came across this news article about a women who right before her wedding found out her fiance was a porn star. After reading it the one thing that stood out for me was the quote from the bride saying,

"There was no way I could marry an adult film star."

I thought about that and wondered about the fact that her fiance lied and deceived her by telling her he was a personal trainer. It prompted me to twitter this,

Do you think it was because he was a porn star or because he lied to her?

All the replies I received back said the same thing I thought. Everyone felt it had more to do with the fact that he lied to her than that he was a porn star and it once again had me shaking my head over how the media portrays stories that involve sex work of any kind.

Ever since I became involved in Sex Work Awareness early last fall I have a different outlook on what I read in the news now. I can read an article such as this one and see the slant to it. See how they don't talk about the basic fact of his lies as much as what he was hiding.

I then ask myself would we even be reading this story if he lied about being an accountant, fireman or dishwasher in a restaurant instead of a porn star. A media that we put our trust into to give us the news without being biased seems to always take a slant when it comes to reporting about anything to do with sex work and sex workers.

That is what I have come to learn after all these months working on both the NYC Sex Blogger Calendar and Sex Work Awareness.

There was one other point made to me on twitter about this article from Lou that hadn't even occurred to me. He said this,

@debaucheddiva So it's ok to have a sex worker over for the "hen party", but not for the nuptial bed, apparently.

I hadn't even thought about that. How it was discovered he was a porn star because one of the bridesmaids was looking for a male stripper for a hen party. There is so much in this article that was not addressed in my opinion and the only reason it is even being written about and being picked up by many other online sites is because of two words "Porn Star." I wonder what the full statements of the bride were. What was left out of this article?

When I read something like that it reaffirms for me the amount of time and work I put into both the NYC Sex Blogger Calendar and my support of Sex Work Awareness. My life these days is a little bit crazy and although there are days I when I have no desire to log onto the Internet or write a single word on any blog I push myself to do it because I believe in the mission of Sex Work Awareness and know that without funding they can't even begin to start achieving that.

These past few weeks have been pretty hectic for me with working on obtaining the final sponsors on the calendar and offering the personalized days for sale on the calendar along with organizing twelve photo shoots in addition to all that is going on in my personal life. It is a weird time of year to try to promote a 2010 calendar but because we need to print the calendar overseas we have no choice but to produce it at this time of the year.

There is only one week left to buy the personalized dates on the calendar for $10 and support Sex Work Awareness. I have been asked a lot what do people put on these dates by some who have not seen the 2009 calendar. These are a few of the things people personalized their days with,

Birthdays, Anniversaries and Blog Anniversaries with URL's.

Promoting events by buying the dates of the event.

Companies showed their support by buying dates on the calendar and personalizing them with their URL's and offers of special discount codes.

Authors promoting book releases.

Social Networking sites.

Those are just a few things that were on the 2009 calendar. Companies that bought one day in a month had their name and URL visible for the entire month on the calendar and ones that bought a day on each month had exposure for the entire year. This was a great way for companies within our community to show support for Sex Work Awareness and also promote themselves at the same time.

If you don't have anything you want to write on the calendar but would like to help support it by purchasing days you can donate them back to us and we will personalize them with a message in support of sex work and sex workers. Just indicate on the special instructions you want to donate them back.

I'll be spending this years Father's Day working which is a first for me. One of the many new changes in my life these days. But for all of you out there who are celebrating it,

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!!!

Diva's Weekly Wrap Up

Seeing that I have not been writing much these days here I thought I would post a Weekly Wrap Up post every so often for things I want to say. So here goes....

The first is that the NYC Sex Blogger Calendar days are for SALE!!!! You can buys days for $10 to personalize with your own 80 character message and also pre-order the calendar at the same time. As of right now it looks like we will once again be able to donate the 100% of the sales to Sex Work Awareness if all stays within our projected production costs.

That alone is really amazing that we can once again donate the full 100% of your purchase to SWA and it is all because of our sponsors that as part of this community are stepping forward to give back to us by sponsoring this year.

One of our newest sponsors is Beyond the Birds and the Bees which is the brainchild of AAG. If you haven't heard of this site before go take a look at it and think about submitting your own story. I have one in the works that I will be submitting there at some point in the future instead of posting it on my own blog here and as with the rest of my life these days it could only happen to Diva.

AAG asked me recently one night in a chat the cost of sponsoring and what was involved with it. I don't think anyone thought about having a small site be a sponsor on the calendar this year but it is a great idea for both the calendar and Beyond the Birds and the Bees which will benefit by being able to not only support something as fantastic as Sex Work Awareness and what they do such as their Speak Up! media training but they are also able to promote themselves by being part of this.

I really enjoy when I see all the different parts of this community I am part of come out to support this project. Thanks AAG for sponsoring and thanks for all the Wordpress help you've given me. Don't know what I would have done without it.

I've had somewhat of a crazy week this past week and if you follow me on twitter you would have seen some of it involving my more personal life with family and children. What I have come to accept lately is that I am overextended these days with all that I am doing and what I don't like about that is that instead of doing a few things really well I am doing many things half ass.

I think I'm at a point of reassessing things in my life and weeding out some things once again like I did last summer. I have been exposed to many opportunities over the last year and I think looking toward the future I need to only choose things that really make me happy these days and what direction I want my life and interests to go in next.

There are things that I'm looking forward to working on in the future and I am also tossing around some ideas for changes on my blog here. This has been something that has been building in me and I can see that now by my lack of posting here lately. I'm not really sure exactly what that change will be but I now know I'm ready for something different.

Last Monday I attended Carol Queen's "A reading with friends" and had a really nice time. I knew everyone reading and although I think of them all as my friends I was totally blown away with the talent I saw from all of them that night. It was great to meet Carol in person and talk about her desire for a Center of Sex and Culture here in NYC and working with us to help promote the NYC Sex Blogger Calendar this year.

Dacia read from her secret project she has been working on and what she referred to as a draft that morning totally amazed me. No matter how long or well I know Dacia she always seems to show me a new talent of hers and last Monday night was no exception. As she read she would bring me to tears one minute only to them turn it to laughter the next. I can't put it into words here because it really is something you have to see.

Sinclair is another friend who I have heard read before at a recent In The Flesh but this night she read one of my favorite posts from her blog "My Father's Son." This was such a powerful post when I read it months ago but to hear it read by Sinclair was even more awesome. The last piece read showed me an amounnt of talent within Sinclair that before this night I had only had the opportunity to see in the written words on the a blog I have read for almost two years.

Of course I was thrilled to both see Elizabeth that night and listen to her read and once again I shook my head at how easy she makes it all seem. When I met Elizabeth that night she had just arrived back on a flight from Florida where she presented at a conference that weekend. I don't know how she juggles so much that she does but I really need to learn her secret. Maybe it is the wine and chocolate before bed each night.

Rachel read that night and although I hear her each month at In The Flesh and will again this week I think it was the group she was part of that night that for me made this one of my favorite readings I have heard her do.

Overall the only word I can seem to come up with for that night and the level of talent I saw was amazing. It also gave me an idea (of course) for the calendar release party on November 6th here in NYC.

This week looks like it will be another busy one working on the calendar between finalizing sponsors and now selling the personalized days. Because we print the calendar overseas we need to have all the information ready to send to the designer who I'm looking forward to working with after our discussions about the calendar last year over 3am pizza in my pajamas.

Now I need all of you to go buy days on the calendar and help support Sex Work Awareness and the work they are doing to remove the stigma from sex work. You can buy them by clicking on the buttons over to the right on here and it will take you to Dacia's store to complete your purchase. Think about marking a birthday or promoting your blog.

Help Diva Decide On TESFest 2009

Last night I attended the reading at Happy Ending hosted by Carol Queen and the NYC Sex Bloggers Calendar and was finally able to meet Goddess Coko whom I have been corresponding with lately in regard to TESFest 2009.

We missed each other last week at Pleasure Salon even though we were both there at the same time but that is what happens in this online world when you have no idea what each other looks like in person. Upon meeting Coko last night she remarked "I only know you from your cleavage" as we both looked down at my mostly covered up cleavage and which seems to be the start of most introductions I have in person these days when I meet someone IRL.

Coko and I have been discussing TESFest 2009 since I contacted her not that long ago about including information for it in the Best Sex Bloggers CommUNITY newsletter although I have never actually attended before. I think most of what I know about TESFest is from blog posts I have read online and those all seem to describe the time people spend in the dungeon playing. I don't recall reading much about the specific classes that are offered over the course of several days during TESFest.

Last night Coko said how she would like for me to attend this year and my first reaction was "I don't think so." I have never thought about going to an event such as TESFest in the past and I think the reason is that I only associate it with the playtime spent in the dungeon there. Although I'm open to whatever anyone else wants to do with their sexual freedom I don't think at this point in my life it is something for me. However if I have learned one thing in these past few years it is to never say never.

What has piqued my interest in these type of events are the classes that are held during the day there. I guess you can say I have been on a quest to expand my personal overall knowledge of sex these past couple of years and for me the idea of being in a space where I am able to pick and choose classes to attend that are totally new to me does interest me very much.

I told Coko last night that what I would like to see is for people who are attending this year and have in the past to write about why they attend. What is it about TESFest other than the evening activities that makes them sign up for this.

Is it the classes? Or is it the other like minded people they meet at an event such as this that brings them back each year? Was there one special thing about TESFest that stands out in their mind? If so what is it?

Did TESFest live up to what they thought it would be when they decided to attend for the first time? What I want to see are their personal thoughts of what they get out of TESFest.

So being the good little submissive that I am I'm seriously considering attending for at least part of the event and I need your help to convince me. If you blog I'd like to see you post your thoughts and feelings to the questions I asked above. If you don't blog and still want to write about why you attend email it to me at diva@bestsexbloggers.com and I'll post it for you.

One of the things I like best about being part of this CommUNITY is how we all share our thoughts and experiences with each other and for me it has helped open my eyes to both new experiences and the many different communities around us.

Now do as I say and go start writing!

Diva's Day To Day Trials And Tribulations

It has been a while since I have written about the day to day trials and tribulations in my life here on this blog. I've been incredibly busy these past few weeks with several different things I am juggling all at once. This first being the 2010 NYC Sex Blogger Calendar that we are currently in the process of shooting this month.

Tomorrow night Tess and I are meeting with Barbara Nitke to talk with her about my photo shoot. I don't think I can express what a dream come true this is for me to be the subject of a Barbara Nitke photo. How amazing is that! I have been a fan of her work since I came across her almost two years ago and I love everything she does. I don't know if I can explain it but when I look at her photos I can feel the sexuality in them. I am so honored that she will be doing my calendar photo and extremely thankful that she agreed to donate her time for this project to benefit Sex Work Awareness.

There are moments when I will just stop and think of how lucky I am that I have this online life that I do. It gives me opportunities to meet and work with some amazing people from all over. Last month I met Barbara for the first time at Pleasure Salon and she is just such an amazing person. I think sometimes we all forget that the people we admire for their work and accomplishments are just themselves when we meet them. Barbara and I chatted that evening for a little bit about her ideas for the photo and I could see her amazing talents come shining through as she spoke about one idea after another.

I will also once again be attending Pleasure Salon tomorrow night as I have been doing the first Wednesday of each month for the past couple of months. I'd heard about Pleasure Salon for about a year before I decided to finally make an effort to attend one. That first time I ended up staying until the place was almost empty. I had a really fantastic time and here is the reason why,

The Pleasure Salon has been created to build community, allowing sex-positive activists to cross-pollinate. Our gatherings bring together members of the BDSM, swinger, alternative gender, LGBT, sex-activist, sex educator, nudist, sex-magic, polyamory, Pagan, radical faerie, tantra, dark odyssey, sex-blogger, porn, pervert and sex-worker communities, and others whose passion is sex. (Let us know if we missed any one of you!) Through building networks in the sex-positive community, The Pleasure Salon hopes to help create a sex-positive world. It is a place for the open exchange of ideas and sensual expression.

That is exactly what it is. I walked into a room of mostly strangers when I arrived there that first time yet I never felt uncomfortable, out of place or shunned. Everyone I have met and talked to at Pleasure Salon each month is friendly, open and accepting. It didn't matter if I was bi, straight, queer, kinky or vanilla. It is unlike other social gatherings I have attended in my past.

What I find unique about Pleasure Salon is that everyone talks to each other. Most people don't stay in their groups they arrive with or normally socialize with from what has been my experience. It seems that no matter where I turned someone was saying hello to me and asking me how I heard about Pleasure Salon. I came to realize that what I felt at Pleasure Salon was acceptance and comfortable among this sex positive community and that started the moment I walked in the door when I was greeted with a friendly smile and hello from Mark, Patricia and Selina. Maybe it is that feeling of acceptance that I have written about on here that makes Pleasure Salon such an enjoyable night for me every month. I always seem to find myself in interesting conversations with people I don't know or only know from online. The idea and model for Pleasure Salon is something I think should be repeated in other cities.

The other thing I will be doing that has me very excited is attending the Sex Positive Reading and Soiree co-sponsored by Carol Queen of the Center for Sex and Culture and the NYC Sex Blogger Calendar next Monday, June 8th. This is going to be an unbelievable night with Carol, Elizabeth Wood, Rachel Kramer Bussel, Audacia Ray and Sinclair Sexsmith all reading. If you're going to be in the city next Monday I recommend that you not miss this evening. I don't know when there will be another time when such a group of talented and smart people will come together like this.

We'll have a limited amount of 2009 calendars to give out and several of the pin ups will be there to sign them. I even have one of those famous special silver pens for Sinclair.

You can read all about the details for this over on the NYC Sex Blogger Calendar site and the Facebook Event page.

That is my upcoming week as Diva but only a small part of my life these days. There are a lot of changes in my life that I'm not ready to write about here yet but I will at some point in the future. My children and I have moved into a new level of our relationship together that is for the better and I am seeing a lot more happiness especially in my two oldest children when we are together.

I'm looking forward to this summer which is a change for me after the past two summers. I'll be spending time together with my children and friends in our pool. I am also planning a pool party and BBQ this summer for all my friends in the city. (Shhhh don't tell Tess but I plan on having her do the cooking) I'll be dragging them all out into the burbs to spend a day relaxing and swiming. And drinking French martinis. Tess's BBQ had girls on trampolines and I'm wondering what will happen when I put a group of sex bloggers in the pool together.

I've decided I need to concentrate on writing here more often than I have lately. I used to write a lot during the day while I was at work but things got extremely busy there the past few months and I just didn't have time any longer to do that. I miss writing and need to put that before some other things in my life. There are so many things I keep saying I am going to write about and I never get around to it. I can't remember that last time I posted a picture of my cleavage for HNT. My goal is to change that this summer.