My Hopes

Feminism is the idea that women should have political, social, sexual, intellectual and economic rights equal to those of men

Yesterday I read Amber Rhea's post about her thoughts and concerns on the upcoming Sex 2.0 unconference in DC on May 9th. I personally have been having some of my own thoughts about this years Sex 2.0 and rather than leave a long comment there I decided I would write my own post.

It is only recently that the word feminist has been part of my life. I lived an old fashioned 1950's marriage for many years and I don't think I have to explain to anyone that in my married life the word feminism was a dirty word.

I don't know if I fully understand yet what the true meaning of that word is or if I just feel as if I haven't earned calling myself one after all these years. I do know that I have surrounded myself this past year with new friends who all just happen to be feminists. Which is a really awesome thing for me.

Last fall I wrote a post about how my interests were changing and one of them was my quest for more knowledge. I talked about wanting to attend Sex 2.0 this year after reading about it last year. I felt that this was the type of event that was in my interest unlike the many kink/sex related events in this CommUNITY.

I spent some time this past winter working with Match on planning promotions for Sex 2.0 and obtaining Sextoy.com as the main sponsor. I then backed out of doing anymore work when I realized I would more than likely not be able to attend because it was on Mother's Day Weekend. After much thought and some careful planning I will be able to attend this year because it was that important to me.

This is something very new for me and other than work related conferences I have never attended something just for the simple fact that it interests me. This was also the first time I was ever part of a Google Group or heard the word "unconference" before.

I'm not quite sure exactly what I expected but I have questioned if this uncon is the same this year as the one held last year. I was confused by the google group at times because it seemed to only talk about events that were happening that weekend other than the actual conference. As I have said this is all new for me and I'm not quite sure what to expect but it just did not seem the same as last year's appeared to be.

I fully understand Amber's concerns and the concerns of others I have spoken with for this year's conference. It seems to be almost going in two different directions at times and I'm not sure if that is just what happens at events or if it is just this particular one. I personally don't think just because something becomes bigger the basic ideas have to change with it.

I can read between the lines in some of the things that Amber wrote and fully understand what her motivation is behind it. Her concerns of the reasons people are attending this year. I personally think it is good that Amber posted her thoughts on this and gave others a chance to also give their opinions.

I have arranged for space in the vending area for both the NCSF and SWA. Two organizations that I donate my time to in both a Quid Pro Quo capacity and a personal one. These are both organizations which I think are important to both the community overall and those attending Sex 2.0.

My hopes this year are to learn more about social media, sex, feminism and how it all interacts. For me that doesn't mean I need to have actual sex at this event but more to meet some of the many people who will be there and learn more from them.

My hopes are to walk away from this with a better understanding of sex worker issues than I have now and maybe be inspired with a few more ideas. Several of the 2009 and the new 2010 calendar models will also be there and I am looking forward to getting together with all of them. This week the PSA "I am a sex worker" was released to an overwhelming response.

My hope is to come away with the feeling that this was exactly what I was looking for when I decided last fall that I wanted to attend Sex 2.0. While I fully understand the concerns of myself and others and the issues behind them I am hoping that they can be avoided and if not then learn from them for the next year.

So I guess what I am trying to say here is yes I have had some concerns that this year's unconference seems to be taking a different direction than last years but I am attending with the hope that in the end that is not what I will find. There are some really awesome sessions I plan on attending that day and many people I want to see.

My hopes are to come home saying "that was totally awesome and I can't wait for next year" and it is up to me and the people I will be with there this year to make sure that happens for us.

PSA - I Am A Sex Worker

Today with a great sense of happiness I watched for the first time this PSA along with one of my children and then talked about sex workers with them.

It was an awesome feeling for me to share something I believe in and helped to make happen with one of my children.

Sex Work Awareness also has a new site. Be sure to stay tuned to it for the latest news of what SWA will be doing in the near future.

Expanding My Knowledge

Last night I attended the SWP gala fundraiser with Audacia Ray. Since becoming active is sex workers rights and an ally I have a quest for more knowledge and understanding. I want to learn more, meet more people who I can learn from and last nights event was a great place for that.

Did you know that in New York you can be stopped by the police on the street and if you have condoms on you they can be used as evidence that you were soliciting sex for money? Neither did I but I learned about it last night. SWP is working to try to get that law changed and that is what they are about. When Andrea Ritchie spoke last night and said this I thought to myself about the condoms I had in my pocketbook. I like to practice safe sex. I'm a huge advocate about sex safe just as I think all of us should be but I also should not be at risk for something just for the simple fact I carry condoms.

That is just one law SWP is trying to have changed for sex workers. There are several organizations out there for sex workers and sex worker rights. They all do something a little bit different but they all share an overall common goal. I am still learning about them and don't know if there will ever be a day that I have all the information I need.

I stood in this art gallery last night talking to lawyers, state senators, congressmen and sex workers while my mind raced with ideas of how can I raise more funds so Sex Work Awareness can hold more Speak Up's and what can we do to better educate sex worker allies to help get the message out. As usual I bugged Dacia about it all but lately I'm beginning to think she actually enjoys it.

I had originally planned on not attending Sex 2.0 because it was on Mother's Day Weekend but have changed my mind and will now be there. I am looking forward to catching up with friends and meeting new people but most of all I am looking forward to expanding my knowledge and understanding of sex workers and their message.

I would love to hear from others who are sex worker allies like myself or want to become more involved. People who would like to join women such as Dacia, Elizabeth Wood, Tess and myself to name a few. If that is you leave a comment or send me an email.

French Martinis and Celebrating Speak Up!

With much excitement last Saturday evening I attended the cocktail party after Speak Up. This was a chance for me to not only meet all the amazing women who attended the day long media seminar put on by Sex Work Awareness but also for all of us to celebrate together.

It was a truly beautiful moment for me when I walked into XES and saw Dacia along with everyone else. It seems so long ago now that Tess one day last summer said "Let's make a calendar" to me. I never in my wildest dreams imagined how just those few simple words would change so much of my life in so many ways.

As a result of working on the NYC Sex Blogger Calendar I have had a new world opened to me. Part of that started with an email between Dacia and I last fall before we had ever met in person. With her words to me that day she changed how I looked at sex work and sex workers. She made me think as she has done many times since and made me see my only knowledge of sex workers was from the media.

It was am extremely happy day for me on Saturday to finally be able to see what all that work with the calendar had accomplished. I greeted Dacia with both a big smile and a big hug and as everyone began to move outside onto the patio area we hung back to talk about how the day went. I was my usual pain in the ass self plying her with questions while my mind ran with ideas of how can we do this again and how can we expand it.

The drink of the night for many of us was French martinis that were a two-for-one special. I'm not quite sure how it happened but at one point I somehow ended up with about seven drink tickets in my pocket. Not that I was complaining about it. My only problem with the drink was the glass. I kept spilling it (even when I was still sober) and with all those people giving me those strange looks when I had my tongue on the ground sucking it up I decided it would be best to switch to wine.

It was a fun and relaxed evening with all of us celebrating together. I met all the women who had attended with one even traveling from as far as Canada to attend this. I met local NYC blogger Nix who I had linked on Best Sex Bloggers just recently and was able to catch up with Calico getting her thoughts and feelings on Speak Up. To be able to see and hear first hand what an awesome day Speak Up was for all these women was simply wonderful.

Not all of the night was spent on talking about Speak Up with everyone. I finally got to meet Sean who I knew from twitter and his wife Jessica. It was then I once again realized how unusual my life is at times when I walked up to Sean to say hello and he didn't know who I was until I shoved my cleavage in his face. I'm looking forward to drinking martinis once again this Saturday night with them.

This was a fun and freeing night for me. It was new for me to combine something I have a passion for with good friends, drinks and food at the end of the night. My only low point is when I threw my hands up in the air saying "I'm Diva" and my iPhone went flying across the outdoor patio.

We all ended the night together at a diner around the corner getting something to eat and sobering up. Dacia and I talked about the day, future ideas and how to raise the money needed to put more on because that day we all saw the proof of how successful Speak Up was.

Next up we work on ways to find those funds to put on more Speak Ups around the country and empower sex workers to make their own message.

It's been one of those weeks.....

This has been one of those weeks that has run the gauntlet. On any given day I am online chatting with four or more people, answering emails, twittering, writing and doing QPQ work. Somehow I have gotten the multi-tasking down to a science these days. I usually thrive in this atmosphere of the online world with the people and things I am now doing.

But just like anything else these days there are moments when life throws too much crap at me. This last week seems to have been one of them. When that happens I need to take a break from it all. I don't care about emails, blogs or the latest gossip. I care about me and what is going on in my everyday life at home and I think sometimes people forget that I have one outside of Diva and the Internet.

I will then turn to those in what I call "my inner circle." The people I am closest too, who care about me the most and that I can trust with all my thoughts and feelings. My break might be an hour, a day or a week. I never know.

This past week has had some great ups and downs in it and I more than once turned to my inner circle. I leaned on that person in my life who I knows cares about me and is there on the other end of my phone at 2am when I am wide awake to talk to or when others are also having a bad week and we can meet, give each other hugs and then proceed to share drinks and food together.

I was so excited that Speak Up! would finally take place tomorrow with a cocktail reception after. Then came the news about the woman killed in Boston along with all the stupid news articles and comments.

I met up with Dacia last night and the first thing we did was hug each other. I told her that my first thought upon hearing this was that here was one more name she would have read this year on December 17th as we all stood around in the cold with our candles burning. Then I looked at Dacia and thought, this could have been you. Dacia, this bright, talented, beautiful woman who has become such a part of my life could have been this woman.

It sucked. It totally sucked. When I read what is being said about her in the media and how ignorant so many people are it saddens me. I had planned to write a post a month ago about news articles that were talking about how women have to now resort to stripping for a living because of the economy. Women who had masters degrees even. WTF is that about?

Is there anyone out there who actually wants to take a job at McDonald's? Or are they doing it because they have no choice? How many articles have you read about those poor, poor women who have to resort to saying "would you like fries with that?" just to pay their bills?

It is fucking stupid. All of it and this morning I am sick to my stomach with what I have read so far about all of this. This woman was some body's daughter, sister and friend but I didn't see that anywhere. I saw she was referred to as "stunning" though. Why does it matter if she is stunning or not or what her occupation was? Someone murdered her and that is what the major point in all of this is.

So it has really been one of those weeks for me. I push ahead and try to hope that with tomorrows Speak Up! there will now be ten people who will make a small dent in removing the stigma from sex workers and perhaps someday I won't read the shit I have had to endure this past week.

You can show your support and join us at the cocktail reception after starting at 5:30pm at,

XES in Chelsea, 157 West 24th Street between 6th and 7th avenues.

HNT - Flowers

Today for once it will be a sunny day when I am in the city so to celebrate that I thought I would share a bouquet of flowers with all of you.

I will be at In The Flesh tonight as I do usually every month. Tonight is Virgin Night and I'm not sure if Tess is going to hear people read, in search of a new boytoy or to see if she still has at least one virginity left. No matter which I'm along for the ride because I find life around Tess is just never dull and brings me happiness.

Sinclair will also be reading tonight who I got to know when we both worked on the NYC Sex Blogger Calendar together. The calendar benefited Sex Work Awareness and this weekend the first Speak Up! will be in NYC.

There is a cocktail party afterwards that both Tess and I will be attending along with others. If you're in the city on Saturday come join us.

Your Voice

In the quiet of my bedroom it is turning into the wee hours of the night. It began hours before when I logged online catching up with friends, playing on twitter before finally beginning my QPQ work I try to find time for every night.

You were there just as you had been on so many of these late nights. Chatting away, catching up on the latest, and following along as I twittered to this one or that one. Asking questions when you didn't quite understand my Diva life.

We talk about the show we saw the other night, the friends of mine you met and we talk about when I will see you again. Our chat takes a turn to what we will do. What you will do to me and I can feel the heat start to build in me. You do this to me so easily. Just a few written words and I can begin to imagine. At points I have trouble typing because my concentration is elsewhere as I feel myself become wetter and wetter.

Some of this is new for me. Computers and the internet were not part of my prior life when I was last single. I never imagined what seeing those words you write would make me feel. How a few sentences can cause my cunt to flood with that warm wetness.

I can't take it any longer and I reach for my latest favorite toy, The Ideal. You can't see me or hear me. You don't know that I have removed my soaked panties. In your home, behind your own screen you can't fully know the effects you are having on me.

Into the silence of the night my phone begins to ring. I look down at it and see that it is you. I try to calm myself as I turn off my Ideal and reach for it saying hello, hoping that you will not know what I have been doing. But I was wrong. You knew all along the effect your words had on me. You sensed it even across the distance of the internet.

Then the questions began. Asking me what I was doing. Was I touching myself. Did I have any of my toys in my hand. What was I wearing. Dragging those answers out of me that I always felt to shy to say before but that I could not hold back from you at that moment.

Through all those words and questions the only thing I heard was your voice. That distinct voice of yours that I can still hear in my head when I think back to that night. It was your voice that I needed to hear. To have you reach across the distance and touch me with your voice when you were too far physically to touch me.

When you said those first few words of how you wanted to touch me it was all I needed. It pushed me right over the edge and into that orgasm I had so desperately desired.

When I close my eyes now I can still hear your voice.

Celebrate the first Speak Up sex worker media training with us!

Last fall a group of NYC based sex bloggers got their brains (and boobs) together to make a gorgeous pin-up calendar, which you can learn all about here: http://sexbloggercalendar.wordpress.com/. Sales of the calendar benefit Sex Work Awareness (SWA), a young advocacy organization that I co-founded with several former $pread staffers. SWA works to do public education around sex workers' issues and to support sex workers in speaking for themselves. To this end, we developed a media training workshop called Speak Up! Media Training for the Empowered Sex Worker (http://speakup.sexworkawareness.org), which has been taught in abbreviated forms in Las Vegas and Chicago at the Desiree Alliance conferences. Using funds raised from sales of the calendar, we've been able to grow the workshop into a day long session, and the first one is taking place on this Saturday, April 18th.

The participants of the workshop went through an application process and we've found a really great first crop of 10 present and former sex workers from all corners of the industry. Most of the participants are New Yorkers, but we've also got people coming from Virginia, Toronto, and Rhode Island. After we're done with them, the group will be ready to take on the world both as media-makers and savvy interviewees. We'll be releasing them into the wild with Flip video cameras and a bunch of new skills, plus ongoing support from the staff of Sex Work Awareness and each other.

Join us this Saturday evening at a cocktail reception to meet and greet this group of extraordinary sex workers. Immediately after the wrap-up of the training, we'll be convening at XES in Chelsea, 157 West 24th Street between 6th and 7th avenues. We plan to be at the bar around 5:30. Please feel free to pass this along to anyone you think might be interested, the event is open to the public.

PSA - Dickhead Free Zone

"One man cannot hold another man down in the ditch without remaining down in the ditch with him." Booker T. Washington

As much as I have no desire to revisit this same old topic recent events have prompted me to write this post.

If you have read my blog for this past year and a half you know the history of my life as "Diva" and what has occurred. Many of you have read the other posts on the subject from last summer too. With that said I want to make something clear to everyone who reads my blog.

I live my life in a Dickhead Free Zone.

So many people lately have been telling me how happy I seem. How strong I am now and how much together I have my life. One way I did that was to cut out the drama, bullshit and dickheads.

There is much in my life and this past year that I have not written about. Many things occurred that brought me to the point of where I was last August that I never made public or wrote about. Only those closest to me know the entire truth.

For whatever reasons I still find myself almost a full year later with dickhead bullshit still popping up around me. I still have stalkers (including dickheads) who read my twitters, my blog and even leave comments from time to time that I don't bother to post. I also get emails from time to time that range from kool aid drinking crazy people playing bullshit games to people I think are looking to reach out for help.

All of this I keep private except for my close friends. At this point in my life I have no reason to make any of that public. Enough has been written and said that you either realize a person is a dickhead or you don't. I have found from experience you can't reason with crazy because they are unaware that they are. They think it is everyone else but not them.

I like my life these days. I am happier now than I have been in years. I have so many new wonderful relationships in my life these days. Family, friends, others. There are days I think to myself how did this happen. When I was at my lowest point last year I never thought I would reach a point in my life that I would be so happy just being me. Liking who I am and looking forward each morning I wake up to that day ahead of me and what it will bring.

I did it by living dickhead free. I do not allow any of that to intrude on my life. I don't read blogs, twitters, whatever that has any dickheads in it. I don't care about any of it. Unfortunately it still finds me. I think about my comments to friends of when will this end. At what point in my life will it no longer intrude on my space.

I am requesting that people respect my boundaries of a dickhead free zone. This doesn't mean I won't help anyone accomplish what I have been able to do. But at the same time, I will never publish any information that I receive anonymously because I have no way of knowing the sender's motivations or the validity of the information. While I am horrified at some of these claims, they don't shock me. Nothing this dickhead does can achieve that anymore.

I remember when I first met Tess we had joked of her running a rehab for young girls to become dickhead free. At the time I thought of it as a joke but after recent events and knowing what I know now I wonder if there isn't a need for a 12 step dickhead free zone program.

I have struggled to get out of the ditch I fell into last summer and now that I am out I will never allow anyone to hold me there again. For anyone who wants to climb out also,Tess and I have always been here if you need support. If you need someone to talk with or emotional support we are here. All you need to do is contact us.