Sex 2.0

If you haven't already heard about this event yet you should check it out at their site Sex 2.0. Back in January I had worked on getting a presenting sponsor for it as part of my work with Quid Pro Quo. I then realized that Sex 2.0 was being held on Mother's Day weekend and that I would not be able to attend because I would never not spend Mother's Day with my children.

It really killed me that I would miss Sex 2.0 because out of all the different events I have come across this is one that has interested me the most since I followed along on twitters last year when Amber Rhea held the first one down in Atlanta.

Lately I have been tossing around some ideas of possible ways I can still attend and right now I am thinking of going down to DC on Thursday or Friday and then leaving after it is over on Saturday night. I would love to be able to spend the full weekend there and catch up with so many of my friends but I know that isn't possible.

As much as I am dreading driving back from DC at the end of the day on Saturday the more I think about Sex 2.0 and the speakers the more I think it is worth the travel time for me to still attend. If you look at their list of speakers you will see what I mean.

Although Sex 2.0 isn't just an unconference for sex workers it does have many who attend and presentations that will address sex work and sex workers. My involvement in the NYC Sex Bloggers Calendar has given me the opportunity to be able to learn more and I think Sex 2.0 would be another place for me to continue to seek out more knowledge and understanding.

Many of my friends will be presenting at Sex 2.0 this year and that is another reason I want to attend as I would very much like to be able to hear them. My friend Elizabeth Wood I understand will be presenting with Ren on sex work and that alone is worth the trip for me because it is something that I know I will take away new insight from. I love the many conversations Elizabeth and I have on different issues but I also would like to see a different side of her that I don't get ever to see in our daily friendship.

I also want the chance to hear Audacia Ray speak. In case you don't know she is one of my idols. She amazes me more and more each day with the things she has accomplished and the more I get to know her the more I admire her for not only her knowledge and thoughts but her passion for what she believes in. I only wish I could take her class this summer at Rutgers.

Nikol Hasler will be the keynote speaker for Sex 2.0. I have yet to meet Nikol other than on twitter but her quick mind and sense of humor grabs me every time and I very much want to hear her keynote speech. I think she will set the perfect tone for everyone that day.

There are so many awesome people speaking that day that I can't even list them all and what I am looking forward to in their presentations. It will be a place I can catch up with people I know from around the country such as Mollena and Kimberlee Cline who I don't get to normally see in person.

Early bird registration is open until April 9th and the price of a ticket is only $30. When I think about what I will take away from that day at Sex 2.0 the price of $30 seems so very low. If you are within driving distance I would suggest you consider making a day trip to DC for this.

I have only about a week until early registration ends to make my plans and see if I can find someone to share a room with but as of today it looks like I will more than likely be attending this year.

Anyone else planning on attending?

HNT - In The Flesh

As I do most every month I attended In The Flesh last week. This one however was special because Tess was reading from her story in the just published Do Not Disturb.

Along with hearing Tess read we also got to see the book trailer Rachel made for it on a large screen. I had watched this online when it first came out but seeing it on a large screen made it even hotter to watch.

The other special part of that evening were all the friends who came out to hear Tess and celebrate with her that night. Catalina and I even managed to surprise Tess by sneaking her into NYC that afternoon.

Stacie Joy loves to photograph my cleavage when she sees me and once again did that night. Only she also managed to get of photo of both Catalina and Desiree feeling my boobs. Thank you ladies for making it such a lovely evening.

Somehow along the way I grew up...

If you IM with me you will recognize the title of this post as my most recent IM message. Depending on my mood of the day you never know what I'll have as my latest IM message. But this is something that both I and those around me have noticed lately.

When I found sex blogs a year and a half ago I never expected to write one myself or to take on another identity. It really started very much as a joke on someone else and how they were living their life online with their blogettes and the need to constantly be written about. I even started out writing about "Diva" in the third person especially when describing much of my life as a blogette and I now realize it was a way of distancing myself because even then I knew deep down something was fucked up. As time went on I was told to write nice things on my blog and didn't find my actual voice until months later when I began to write the actual truth of both what I thought and how I felt about things.

In the beginning of blogging I remember always thinking of how I was now part of this semi-famous blogworld that I had only read about. I was now one of those actual people in it and would be in awe seeing my blog listed under the "friends" on their blogroll. Then came the time I could no longer ignore the lies or the real world and I realized all of that had just been an escape.

After hitting bottom I thought long and hard of what I wanted in my life and who I wanted in it. I started to make choices based only on my happiness and not trying to please others or make them like me. I didn't need to find my identity of who I was from anyone else.

We all carry these double identities online and for me it has been a struggle. Maybe because I had such a fucked up beginning online. I don't want to ever escape anything in my real life by being "Diva" online and yet "Diva" is a part of who I am now. Late last year Dacia and I had this conversation at brunch which she wrote about here. At the time I had been having some of these same thoughts and trying to figure out how to combine both of my identities.

I have seen some people online who have low self esteem or some type of unhappiness in their lives take on another identity. They can be anyone online when they do this and they find others to give them validation of who they are instead of dealing with their actual problems or figuring out for themselves who they are. That was how I started but along the way I found my identity and strength on my own to face things. It still amazes me at times some of the people I see who need to do this and in some cases even spend several years doing this. Some will even say "but I'm not like her" only to not see they are in fact exactly the same.

At one time it thrilled me to see myself mentioned on other blogs or linked by well known bloggers. I thought that was what was important and made me who I was. Maybe it is finally feeling the security and confidence in myself that none of that is important to me any longer. Don't get me wrong, it still makes me happy when one of my friends writes something about me. I just don't need any of that like I thought I did last year.

I somehow managed to grow up along the way and found who I am or at least what direction I am now going. Many of my friends are online and well known yet I don't see them that way. Many are people I had read and admired that I was blessed enough to meet and build friendships with. But I know it wasn't "Diva" who did that it was ME. Just me.

If you noticed lately I actually live much of my life offline. I don't write about who I am out with or what we are doing like I had in the past. My twitters will at times reflect some of my daily life but there is much of my life these days I am living out of the public eye. The other change I have made is to incorporate my everyday life and family into that of my online life. That includes my children and being more open with them and sharing them with my online friends.

I'll always be "Diva" online and meet new people because of that but the difference now is that none of it is based on just sex and I don't need someone else to feel the validation of who I am. I found that on my own and with my own choices.

HNT - St Patrick's Day

This is what I wore to work on St. Patrick's Day the other day. I'm having an awesome day so far and can't wait for tonight when Tess will be reading at In The Flesh. If you are in the city tonight be sure to try to stop by. It is always a lot of fun and tonight there will be some extra special people there to help our dear friend Tess celebrate being published in Do Not Disturb.

You can follow me on twitter today as I update from it.

Spring

Spring has arrived at my house.

Gone is that darkness and cold of winter and in its place there is now a warmth and brightness.

My children are like flowers just emerging from the hibernation of the winter reaching out to capture that warm and sunshine. Growing and flourishing in the beauty of Spring.

There is no longer that coldness of winter that forces us all to hide inside to protect ourselves from it. The long hours of darkness that are part of winter are no longer part of our lives.

Now only the bright happiness of Spring along with the many possibilities of what is to come is what fills my home and our lives.

Professional Cleavage

When I met up with Tess last week my first question was to ask her if she thought my shirt was unbuttoned to low. Now this was Tess and by now you would think I would know better than to ask her that question. Of course her reply was no.

I also ran into our NYC Sex Blogger Calendar photographer, Stacie Joy at CineKink where she was taking photos of the event. One thing led to another and I ended up with professional cleavage shots. One of which I share with you today.

Fleshbot and Links

Look Mom! I was Fleshbotted!

It was a little funny for me to see today that I was Fleshbotted after the a mini-conversation on twitter I had the other day with Lilly after she was Fleshbotted for a post that was about food instead of sex and how I very rarely write about sex anymore. The post I wrote, Anticipation is special to me in many ways. One is how I am feeling these days about myself and life in general than that first time I was Fleshbotted last year. Thanks AAG.

The other part of this post are links that I want to share. Yesterday Audacia Ray launched a new blog Akimbo as part of the International Woman's Health Coalition where she is a program officer for online communications. I remember one night last fall when I had dinner with Dacia talking about a new job she had interviewed for and thinking how this was a perfect fit for both her and them. She brought so many things to this job with her talents and strengths.

Over the past several months I have watched Dacia as she transitioned from a self employed make your own schedule person to the world of a full time 9-5 workers. Whenever I see or talk to her I will ask about her job and I can see how happy she is when she speaks of it.

Now all of us can have a look into the IWHC and Dacia's work there through Akimbo. I could go on and on about Dacia and how much I admire the things she has done in her life but if you have followed her these past few years then you already know.

Congratulations Dacia! It looks awesome.

The other link is the post Sex Positively includes Negative Experiences that Dacia wrote. Those closest to me know that I struggle with the term "sex positive" and what is really means. I was going to leave a comment on her post but now I think I will finally push myself to finally write about this like I have been wanting to.

Anticipation

My feelings of anticipation are strong knowing that in only a few short hours I will see you again. I spend part of that time getting myself ready. Choosing my new lingerie to wear for you and imagining your reaction as you unwrap me and see what is underneath awaiting you.

The hot water from the shower rains down on my flesh as I rub my soapy hands all over my body. I think about that last time we were together. The joy I felt during that time we spent together.

Picking up my razor I shave myself smooth while thinking of how your hands and lips will soon be feeling this for yourself. Closing my eyes I tilt my head back pushing my face up into the spray of the water letting is fall down on me thinking back to that last time not long ago we shared this space together.

Shutting off the water I reach for a towel as I step out and pat my warmed skin dry. Grabbing the bottle of my favorite lotion you gave to me I inhale the scent as a smile breaks out across my face. So many thoughts rush into my head as the heat of those thoughts bring a wetness to me I am unable to control.

My hands rub gently all over my body massaging the lotion slowly into my naked skin. My thoughts rush ahead to when I will see you and the time we will spend together. The laughs we will share, the many words that we never seem to run out of and that moment when we will end up in bed together. Those words you will whisper to me that will bring my submission.