Yesterday Amber left me a comment on my post thanking me for taking up the voice when she was feeling drained after fighting the same fight for so long. I understood exactly what she meant by that because I too had experienced that at one point in my life. When I attended the Speak Up! celebration party I had a conversation with Melissa Ditmore about the work I had been doing in support of Sex Work Awareness and my ideas to not only spread the word about that organization but also ways to raise the money needed so that they could bring to life those wonderful ideas they had.
What I opened up and told Melissa about was how in my former life I was an advocate and that I was now transferring all that I had learned and knew from that vanilla life to my new life. It wasn't just something I was a natural at. Instead it was something I had a lot of experience with. What I also had experience with was being burnt out. After so many years of fighting the same fight I reached a point where I just could not do it anymore. It was too emotionally draining at that point in my life and I needed a break. That is why I understand exactly how Amber is feeling right now and what I also understand is that just as there were others who picked up where I left off in my other work there are people such as myself who are picking up and giving Amber the break she so needs from it right now.
What I began to realize a few weeks ago is that I had taken on too many projects and instead of doing them really well I was scrambling to just get them done each week. I wasn't finding happiness in it. I was only finding stress and burnout. I missed having the time to just sit down and write on my blog about what was important to me. I was lucky if I was able to post on it once a week.
I also found that I was enjoying spending more time with the people in my life and by doing that it wasn't leaving me enough time for all that I needed to do. Whenever someone asked for my help with something I automatically said yes instead of thinking that I didn't really have time for one more thing in my life. That is why I've made the decision to take a step back right now.
If you notice I have now posted three days in a row here and I'm enjoying writing once again. I've learned a lot and experienced a lot in this past year but in the last several months I haven't had the time to talk about it. I want that time and I have made the decision that right now I will only work on the things that I really want to and which bring me either a lot of joy or is something I fully believe in and support.
I am no longer an administrator on Best Sex Bloggers and as of now I am only a contributor. I haven't decided what I am going to do with the monthly community newsletter I started. I might continue it because I think the concept of it was good and with time it can become a great way to keep the community informed. What I most likely will do is send out requests for submissions for an August newsletter and if I don't receive anything I won't publish it.
There are some other things I have been asked to help with that I decided I am going to turn down at this point. After thinking further on them I realized that I did not want to take on them this point in my life. What I am working on and spending a lot of my time on right now is the NYC Sex Bloggers Calendar. Right now we are busy arranging twelve photo shoots with twelve different photographers, selling personalized days and obtaining sponsors. I am happy to report that we have achieved 75% of our sponsor goal and I am hoping within a week or so to have that up to 90%. We also made the decision to print the calendar here in the US.
I may at some point in the future start a new blog with some of the ideas I have in my head for it but that is down the road. (or at least I think it is) For now I am going to just enjoy some peace and working on something I truly love such as the calendar and go back to writing some of my thoughts on my blog.
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2 comments:
I enjoyed meeting you, and I love both the blog and the activist work that you are doing.
Burnout is something that affects most people working towards a goal that seems insurmountable. Its hard, and very easy to give up.
Write down some of the ideas, and let them stew. You might find inspiration to write on one of the topics, or just use them in whatever future endeavors you do. :)
I have found that when something that was previously fulfilling, energizing, satisfying, etc. begins to feel like a chore or something you dread, then it's time to take a break. I know that's not always possible (e.g., with one's paying job) but I'm talking more about "extracurricular" stuff. Sometimes you have to take a step back, let someone else pick up the slack for a while (which is hard for me to do!) and then come back when you feel re-energized. I have to keep telling myself to honor these feelings when I recognize them, because I cannot be an effective advocate if I'm exhausted all the time.
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