Intimacy

a close, familiar, and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship with another person or group

Yesterday after a few Fizzy Vixen's I posted about the time I spend with my friends and the intimacy I have with them. This subject has been on my mind ever since I freaked someone out a few months ago talking about the word intimacy(FYI - You might not want to say that word to someone within the first two weeks of meeting) and I have been wanting to write about it.

For me what I have come to learn in this past year is that there are many types and levels of intimacy and they are all now part of my life these days. That is very new for me after so many years in a marriage that lacked any type intimacy at all. Over time I have opened myself up to new people and experiences and although a few have not been the greatest, overall it has been a wonderful year for me.

It has taken me time to both realize and understand what intimacy really was. I realized that I wouldn't automatically find it in sex or marriage as I mistakenly thought all these years but more in the actual relationships and friendships I built.

I had always thought affection needed to come from a lover but now realize how wrong that is. The affectionate moments I have with friends who are not lovers are as rewarding for me as those with a lover are. Sharing moments with friends and talking about our likes,our loves and having some great laughs together have become some of the most fulfilling times for me these days.

Nadia left me this comment on that post yesterday,

I have to confess I'm a little jealous of the intimacy you and your friends share. I don't have any female friends I'm currently close to. Maybe I should spend less time with the guys and cultivate some friendships.

Sounds like you all had a wonderful time. And intimacy is a wonderful thing to share. Thanks for sharing with us out in the blogsphere.

It made me think about how these relationships in my life came about. How they didn't just fall into my lap one day but how I worked to build them with people I found common likes and interests with. With people who I admired and respected and that I was now opening myself up to the possibility of friendships with anyone. They didn't have to be parents of my children's friends, co-workers or people my own age. They didn't even all have to be women which was another new experience for me. To have men in my life who I wasn't in a relationship or having sex with but just friends with.

What I discovered several months ago is that for me personally it was more rewarding to have moments in my life that involved that intimacy. I found that spending time with friends, sharing a few drinks, a few laughs, or watching bad porn on a rainy day was actually more enjoyable and fulfilling for me than having casual sex with someone I didn't share a level of intimacy or honesty with. It was one of those "been there, done that" moments.

I've become more picky about who I spend my time with these days because it is so limited between work and my family and I no longer waste it on experiences that are not rewarding for me just to make someone else happy. My dance card is pretty full and I'm happy that all the things I do now and the people I spend my time with make me so happy. After so many years I have finally learned to be able to choose what I want and not just what will make someone else happy.

Nadia, It is never too late to build those friendships as I am living proof of that. Let me also say that it is totally worth it. Sex is great, especially with someone you can make that connection with but for me my life would not be complete without the friends that I have it in now.