Honesty

I have been talking for several months about my therapy sessions. As you all know it was Tess who finally got me to take that step to start therapy.

Tess is pushy like that. Be it skirts, therapy or throwing men at me, Tess is always looking out for me. By the way that last one she does. The throwing men at me. Tess has really good taste in men and best of all they pay. I never have to open my wallet.

Where was I again. Oh yeah. Therapy. Tess has encouraged me from day one to open up with my therapist and be honest about everything. Every week Tess would bug me before I went to tell me I needed to do this.

I was never able to tell my therapist the entire truth. I was never completely honest with her. I am not a person who ever was able to open up and just tell people things. I kept them to myself. But I also think that the life I was involved in was fucked up in so many ways that I was unable to tell her. If I knew deep down it was crazy what would she think of me if I told her everything.

I finally reached a point recently where I realized that I was not getting any better in therapy. I was still just as depressed as the day I started. Like many other things in my life I was getting fed up with being depressed. It had been going on for so long with no change.

On one of my recent visits I walked into my therapist's office, sat down on her couch and told her everything. There wasn't one thing I hid from her. Well.....except the fact that my best friend gets off being cut by razors by her lover.

It was a great session. I learned alot about myself and began to understand all that had been going on in my life. When I went home that day I felt really happy for the first time in a very long time. I felt like my depression had been lifted. It was amazing.

On my next session I asked my therapist why I felt so good now. Why although my depression was still there it felt nothing like it had been all these months. My therapist explained to me that the things in my life I didn't really agree with and was pushing aside were part of the cause for my depression. I was unable to really come to terms with things and by trying to ignore or push them aside the result was my being more depressed.

I feel good now. I feel better than I have in months. I feel as if I have turned a corner in my therapy. I even told my therapist she could read my blog. I would never let her because I had hid so much from her. At first I was going to read all my posts before I gave her the link but then after thinking about it I realized it didn't matter anymore.

I will never be able to shock her.

For the first time in months things don't seem so dark anymore. I finally feel like I have the strength to make the choices I need to make in my life.

I only wished I had listened to Tess earlier. I find Tess is never wrong in any of the guidance she has given me. I'm lucky to have someone like her in my life who only wants what is best for me.

Wait until my therapist links over to Tess's blog and reads that. I am going to look sane for sure.