Shhhh, I Told Them You Are Writers

That is what Chloe said to Tess and I on 4Th of July about the friends she had invited over for a party.

We started the morning with me squeezing fresh picked California oranges (that Domestic Diva side) for our morning mimosas. By mid-morning I was running out of oranges and now found myself drinking champagne with a splash of orange juice.

I found that on this vacation there was three rounds of drinking everyday. Morning mimosas, afternoon margaritas and whatever appealed to us in the evenings. It was a new experience for me that is for sure. Eddie even accused me of drunk emailing one day. I was just tired then. Or at least I think that was it.

It was during our morning drunk that Chloe, our hostess told us about all the friends she was having over to celebrate the 4Th of July. The one thing Chloe told them all was that we were writers from NYC. None of the people attending knew Chloe was a blogger so we needed to come up with a story of how she knew us. At this point in my life I am getting good at this.

I wanted to go to the pool that day but the princess pulled rank and dragged me to the beach. Little does she know I am just easy when I am drunk.

After taking a nap on the beach to sober up enough so we could head into town for our afternoon margaritas, Tess and I got dressed to go do a little shopping. I in my cute black mini skirt and Tess wearing one of the twelve dresses she packed along with one of the nine pairs of shoes she brought. Did I happen to mention that Tess took three suitcases for basically three days.

We spent the afternoon once again eating Mexican food and drinking margaritas. It was during this lunch that I noticed we had had Mexican food for both lunch and dinner the day before and breakfast that morning. I told Tess we were all set on eating Mexican this trip. Dinner that night was to be Turkish food.

Chloe along with her friend Alex picked us up in town when we were done. She introduced us all and we were now officially no longer Tess and Diva. We were now respectable writers from NYC. I told Tess earlier I wasn't sure I was going to be able to pull that one off. If they started asking questions I knew I would slip up. What the hell did I know about writing.

The day was beautiful and we sat out on the patio enjoying the California sun. As people arrived Chloe introduced both Tess and I and only said we were from New York. At one point that afternoon we were introduced to an old friend of Chloe's named Louise.

Louise was friendly, sweet and greeted us both with a big smile. As Chloe poured us all glasses of wine Louise stopped her and said she just wanted a tiny bit. Glasses were passed out and we all sat down to chat.

As the hours went by I watched our new friend Louise keep refilling her glass. Over and over and over. Before we knew it the bottle was empty and another was opened. Louise once again refilled her glass.

We chatted about everything and anything. Louise became our new friend. As darkness fell Chloe informed us we would be taking a short walk over to the bay to watch fireworks. I headed into our bedroom to grab a jacket and found Tess sprawled over my bed. This was not the first time Tess had hinted to me on our trip she wanted to get extra friendly. Seeing me in nothing but short shirts was starting to get to her. She couldn't take her eyes off my sexy legs.

If anyone follows us on twitter you would have read that moment when I kicked her out of my bed. I didn't want her to start begging and have to turn her down.

We dragged Tess's ass out of my bed and all stumbled over to watch the fireworks. This was our third and final drunk of the day. From the bay side of the island we were able to watch at least five or six separate firework shows along the California coast.

At some point during this day we came out to Louise that Tess and I were both sex bloggers. Louise was the only one there that day who knew about Chloe's blog. By this time of the evening Louise knew all about Tess and I. She knew about our marriages, my affair with Eddie and Tess's lover Victor, who it seemed I spent our entire trip reassuring people was real. How I would know this I'm not sure as I have never met him. For all I know he is a product of Tess's wild imagination. Anyone read her twitter today about the ghosts she saw last night?

Late that night after most of the guests had left it was just Tess, Alex, Chloe, Louise and I left outside on the patio. By this time we outed ourselves to Alex and told him about our blogs. In my drunken haze I can't remember if we told him that was how we knew Chloe or not. Some of that evening seems blurry for some reason.

I went inside and returned with my laptop. Tess and I were never without them. We showed Louise our blogs and some of our posts we had written. One was the CL ad Tess wrote for our trip out west. We had filled everyone in on our CL adventures of the evening before already.

It was at this point I started explaining what a "Flake Factor" post was on Tess's blog. I then went into the emails we received to the CL ad and proceeded to do a live "Flake Factor" for everyone. This included me imitating Tess as she received these phone calls from the CL guys. How Tess would lower her voice to a seductive sexy one and start fluffing her hair as she spoke to them.

I can always tell when it is Victor on the phone. First she gets a smile and then she lowers her voice to say, "Heeyy baabbby" I just turn to whoever is with us and say "Victor's on the phone. See he does exist."

I read emails from the guys who responded. One was from a 22 year old who didn't have money to take us out. Tess wrote him back and told him she was in a generous mood and was looking for subjects. (Told you the princess thing has gone to her head) She told him she would let him carry her luggage and rub her feet. I showed pictures to everyone and also repeated the chats Tess and I had online as she would send me these emails for review prior to our trip for me to pick out which guys I wanted to meet.

See silly me thought you post and ad and picked ONE guy. I underestimated my idol. Just like Tess traveled with three suitcases and nine pairs of shoes. She decided one guy was not sufficient. The entire night was a hands on lesson for CL newbie like me.

If anyone is ever not quite sure how to pick up men on CL I recommend you take a class on it from Tess. She even makes spreadsheets to keep track of them all and then carried it all around with her in a binder. She carried a large bag to hold her binder and surprise, surprise and extra pair of shoes. How many people do you know who go out at night carry an extra pair of shoes? That's my princess.

At one point during my live "Flake Factor" show a helicopter started to fly very low over our area with a search light looking for something. My first thought was to ask Tess what the hell she had done now.

By the end of our long day Louise decided she would spend the night with Tess and I. We had become good friends and Louise was really cute. Plus she was a dancer. Tess once again wore her Gael Greene lingerie to bed that night. She kept trying to entice me and poor Tess was striking out.